X Marks The Spot

Last Sunday I watched X Factor for the 1st time this season. I literally couldn't believe my eyes.

It was after a very heavy Saturday that had left me still standing at 6am. As the Sunday came round I was invited to join some friends that evening for an X Factor session. I said yes as I was up-country and had nothing better to do, plus it was my friends birthday so I thought it would be fun to spend some time with him. I spent an hour watching the show, not really knowing who was who because I hadn't seen it before.

I was presented with a 'results of a viewer-voting show' where every contestant, and I mean EVERY contestant was made to cry! mainly because the judges decided to eek out the wait for the contestants results, I think they got confused which show they were on, as they seemed to loose all control of human speech, like Chris Tarrant on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionairre'. manufacturing huge spaces of silence between words to try and induce terror, fear and suspense in the eyes of the contestants. I looked around the room and throats were full of lumps, my friends holding back the tears and laughter as they waited patiently for the judges final word.

For me it was pointless, I had no idea who any of them were, and this brings me to my point. I saw non of the contestants sing or perform whatsoever! NON OF THEM! I saw all of them cry, and I saw the judges cry, but not one ounce of performance. This meant I was completely unable to form any sort of opinion on the judges' decision. So I was left to judge them myself based completely on their looks and crying ability!

How can this be entertainment? I understand if you are an avid watcher, but surely it can't be that hard to make a show that also caters for the occasional viewer? A show where you can dip in and out  throughout the season and not worry too much about what you have missed. A few seconds from each singer would have been ideal. BUT NO, to watch X Factor these days you have to be part of the family, a disciple of the show who can't go to work on Monday morning without their X hit! Simon Cowell, you've lost me, I can't be part of this anymore, I want freedom over what I watch, and it doesn't include Louis Walsh wearing crap Raybans with a speech impediment!

80s The Limit, But Should It Be More?

It was announced this week that the government is looking to finally up the national speed limit to 80mph. I'm guessing that because I used the word 'finally' in this opening sentence, you already know I agree with this idea. For once!

Lets quickly look at the opposition though to see if they have a point.

Safety Freaks. 'ooooh speed kills'
What is it with the UK government? It seems that for a long while now there has been an influence embedded deep into the veins of road safety. an idea that takes total control over how we regulate our roads and what safety measures we have for different vehicles. Speed Kills!!! Apparently. Well I have news for you, Speed doesn't kill, dick heads who can't drive do!

I get it. If we had this accident at 30 no-one would have died, but because we were going 60 there has been a death. But if we were going 30 we probably wouldn't have had the accident in the first place. Was it the speed that made me crash, or that I can't control my car, or that I was driving too fast for the road / situation. Either way speed doesn't kill. Inappropriate decisions in the wrong area can cause accidents that might kill!


Environmental Freaks. 'You'll burn 20% more fuel'
I'm assuming they mean we'll burn more fuel / second, because in my car, if I drift over 80 it actually gets more economic. So to assume that all cars will burn more fuel is un-qualified. Secondly, a 10 mile an hour increase in speed from 70 is about 15% increase, so you would expect to burn more fuel per second anyway. Plus you'll get there quicker and have your engine turned off more, meaning generally less pollution anyway. Or is it more fuel per mile? either way the mile will take less time to complete.

If you look at modern cars they are so so so economic. To the point where they put a 3 litre engine into a transit van, with 2 turbos strapped on, just to get enough power past the ever more restricting emissions regulations to satisfy the drivers needs.

Why 70?
The 70 limit was introduced in 1965, 3 years after the first motorway was built. This was a time when you sat in your Morris and begged it to go faster, hoping that one day you would reach the dizzy speeds of 58mph. Or of course you strapped 4 carburettors onto your mini and flew your way down the new motorways, only to realise you only have 4 gears and the car was trying to take off as you bounced across the fast lane. Cars are faster and safer, they stop quicker and accelerate better, they perform better in a crash and save more lives than there are deaths in vehicles.

An 80 limit will help the economy, with people getting to work quicker, deliveries being shorter and the country just moving faster in their everyday life.

But why stop at 80? I want a dedicated fast lane on the motorways, where you have to drive over 70 to be allowed in them, this should be policed with cameras. If you can't do the speed, drive a different lane. I drive about 50,000 miles a year, so have had a lot of time to contemplate this idea. Like bus lanes in towns and cities, get a dedicated fast lane! In Germany they have the autobahns, unlimited speed limit on long and wide stretches of road, maybe this is a way forward. In France the limit is 85. In the UK we have the slowest roads in Europe. Everyone should be made to take an advanced driving lesson, if you fail you are not allowed on the motorways. This is the future, not restriction and censorship, but training, education, safety and skill-set!

Disabled????? So What!

I was 14 yrs. old and was standing patiently in the dinner cue at school. Behind me was another boy I had seen around over the last two years, but compared to the rest of my year he was relatively new. I had also noticed that he could occasionally by quite rude, yet somehow he managed to maintain what seemed to be a loyal friendship group. More than I can say for some. I myself had very loyal friends yet only a small group of them.

As I stood there waiting for my daily choice of homogenised fat and hand made slop I realised that the afore mentioned boy was talking to me from behind. 'Move out the way', he said, whilst I noticed there was at least 30 people in front of both of us. Suffice to say I ignored him. To my surprise he then started beeping me with the built in electronic horn that was on the arm of his wheel chair, I again ignored this wondering why and how he thought he could ask me to move out the way when clearly we were both so far back that it was going to be at least 25 minutes before we managed to fill our empty stomachs. He then took what I consider to be a drastic and un-called for action by ramming me in the back of my ankle with the steel support that was just below where his feet laid. This clearly hurt so I turn around and told him to piss off and wait like the rest of us in a controlled but not calm voice. At this point all hell broke loose, five of the hardest girls in my year launched an attack on me, shouting and kicking me in the shins, saying I was a bully and how dare I shout at Graham (false name) when he was clearly disabled! These girls were quite hard and I daren't fight back for fear of the repercussions when their boyfriends who were 4 years above heard about it and decided to use me as an excuse to show their girls how able they were to kick my ass. I managed to talk everyone down and instead of telling their boyfriends, they decided to tell our head of year. Lame if you ask me but then I suppose detention was better that a kick in.

At this stage I should say that this post is not about disabled people, at all in fact, Its about equality. Fare enough if someone has particular trouble with certain activities and they need help, lets of course help them as much as we can, like we would an able-bodied person, but apart from that I believe we are all equal.

I sat in the head of year's office waiting for her to arrive, I am sure they do this deliberately, just to get the nerves and adrenalin pumped up for student and teacher. She started with, 'I understand you were shouting at Graham, our student who is in a wheel chair?'. My reply was quite sharp and to the point, 'Um.. yes miss but what has the wheelchair got to do with it?' I then explained that he had been outrageously rude and had rammed me from behind. I protested that if I had done the same I wouldn't be able to get away with it and I would probably find myself back in this office getting a rollocking. I was told by my ever more tense head-of-year that people in wheelchairs are allowed to push into the cue in this school! WHAT?????? 'No offence', I said, 'but how is that in any way fair'. I had to stand in line all day to get my crappy gruel that we called food whilst Graham was allowed to sit and push straight ahead of other able-bodied students. This was discrimination against able-bodied people.

I didn't win, I was told that the school had a policy and I had to stick to it. I couldn't believe how much the school had over compensated for his disability. I commend anyone who spends time helping others, especially those who are less fortunate, and yes if Graham had walking problems for example, or sight issues, or some other disability that meant he had trouble waiting in line I would have understood the need for this policy, but he was sitting down!!!!!! when the rest of us able-bodied students had to stand and wait, he should maybe have been sent to the back as his dinner cue experience was clearly less stressful than mine.

A note to readers: This was in 1994 and I would hope that since then schools and such are much more careful in how they implement policies like these. I don't want to get into a heavy discussion about equality as this was just one experience I had as a kid. However I see it all the time in other scenarios, where the majority have over-compensated for a specific equality issue, like race, or gender, and the end result is a policy that actually falls in the opposing direction and leans in favour of the party we originally wanted to be equal. I often tell girls on dates that I believed in equal rights, and therefore maybe they could open the door for me and offer to pay for dinner! Sorry ladies, I'm an equalist ;)

Life Begins At 30 But Adulthood Begins At 31

A week before my 30th birthday I was bricking it! I felt that my life was over, that my youth had somehow surpassed before I was even ready to think about it, let alone start settling down and partying less. This didn't last though, the day of my 30th I woke up feeling amazing. I had had an epiphany. I was still the same man but felt like I was at the beginning of a new era. Like I had proved myself at life, that I had practiced being me throughout my 20s and now the practice was over I was ready to truly live life to the max. Lots of my friends have said they felt similar when they were 30. Its an awesome feeling if you get it, and is so true to what the big 30 is to us. Mainly nothing.

However amongst all this hype I have unfortunately discovered that the grass isn't always as green as we hoped. This new thing in my life, and darker side of this subject, is called being 31! I am now 31 and have realised that I have fallen from the dizzy heights of 'just 30' to the slightly less glamorous 'early 30s'. I actually feel the same, like I have a whole lot of life left in me and am not ready for nature to take it away yet. Like I want to party all weekend and roll into my flat at 2pm on a Sunday. The problem is that I can't help but notice that things have changed. Physically! My toenails are thicker! I know, gross! my nostril hairs are growing at an exponential rate, I have to work harder at the gym, when I drink I look old in the face and I'm going deaf in my right ear! But most of all, throughout all this is the fact that because I have now lived for 3 decades, the years that go by are now so regular, and so quick, and keep coming without relenting or even pausing to think about it. All of this shouts out to me. 40 Is Nigh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its scary but this is adulthood to me, not a change in the way I feel, or who I am inside, or how I run my life, but simply that my body is ageing, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except realise that I might be running out of time to do the things I want and should maybe start doing them.

And there we have it, a seamless and un-noticed side-step into settling down! I must be mindful of my thoughts!

Make Micro-chipping A Legal Requirement!

I got him back! I went through a trail of different government departments and staff, but traced him to the local kennels! No fine from the kennels which I thought was great, they had fed him and looked after him for 2 days but were happy to just let me have him back. There was however a £101.13 fine from the council for using the dog warden! Bloody ridick! I got him micro-chipped too but apparently because micro-chipping is not a legal requirement, the dog warden doesn't have to scan for one, so could still take a found pet to the kennels ensuring another £100 fine for the owner. I say make micro-chipping a legal requirement. I wonder if I could get micro-chipped, might help on the late Saturday nights when resting at bus stops!

Typical Pet Microchip

I am obviously pleased that he was found and picked up instead of being run over or stolen or dying somehow, but they found him outside where we live, and just picked him up and took him away. IF YOU FIND A PET, HE IS PROBABLY NEAR HIS HOME, JUST ASK THE NEIGHBOURS AND THEY WILL PROBABLY KNOW! Don't piss off with him to the vets assuming he is lost from miles away. The vets Raymond was taken to are 6 miles from our house. He was found 200 yards from our house.

I have friends in the city who come and visit me in the country and say that they are always looking out for animals, (as if trying to impress a country man), that they always pick up pets they see lost. STOP IT! How do you know they are lost??????

We're on a road trip at the moment, which he loves as he gets to see everything. We will go and visit my brothers grave and the rest of the living family and spread the word of this post!

When Man Loses His Best Friend!

My brother let my dog Raymond off his lead, then when he lost him, didn't bother looking for him!!!! I realise this probably sounds horrendous, but we live on the edge of Dartmoor, so its pretty rural, and it has to be said that when Raymond runs off he does tend to come back. But god when he wasn't back after 30 minutes I got so stressed. That was 2 days ago.

Raymond, named after my Grandad. RIP!

Anyway, I have been stressing so much for 2 days, wondering if he's dead or been stolen, (the only possible options in my head at the time), it has made me realise how a dog is quite literally mans best friend. Raymond is loyal, friendly, fun, a laugh, will go anywhere, likes me, wants to be with me, and IS my bessy mate. He even listens when I complain about the family or other peeps who are pissing me off at the time. If only he could work a PC, I could employ him as a secretary!! Another problem is that he keeps trying to steal my girls!!! And he tends to get more attention than me, but I can't be getting jealous of my dog, can I?!?!?!

I did a pub run last night with my good friends Flloyd, we had posters to put up. Second pub and we had been told that Raymond was at the vets. He'd been taken there when he was found. (HE'S GOT AN ID TAG U BASTARDS), but seriously pleased they handed him in. So last night at 11:30 I phoned the vets, got through to an emergency overnight line, this morning I have phoned the vets again who told me he will be with the warden, I just hope that the warden hasn't done anything stupid. He gets in at 8:30am.

Plan For Tomorrow, Live For Today!

Anyway, this is really where I wanted to start this blog, but I got over excited about writing my first that I had to put down in pixels what had happened to me over the Notting Hill weekend.

Plan For Tomorrow, Live For Today is not the theme of this blog, but generally a theme that I try to live my life by.

My Bro died just over a year ago and after his death, which was way to early in his life, I tried to take something positive from the experience. Not easy considering the grief that the whole family and I where going through. My Bro always lived for the moment, not to say he took advantage of every opportunity that came his way, because he didn't. He lived a simple life that evolved around his family and friends. A life that I was often quite envious of and one that didn't lead him far in terms of miles, but led him epic distances in terms of respect from his peers and the amount of love that his friends and family had for him.

Living for the moment as my Bro did was a tough challenge, he didn't plan much, just took life as it was presented to him. Although he was a happy man, this way of life meant that he stayed still a lot and was very cautious. I believe living for today probably contributed to his early death.

So, how to get round this? I thought. Can I take the good things about his way of life and mix them with the good things about my way of life. I remembered a saying that I hear a lot, normally after someone close has died, or people go through a scare. Its 'Live For Today'. I just don't think it works. I see people in the pub getting pissed every day, saying that they live their life as if they would die tomorrow.

Problem with this is, what if you don't? What if you live for another 50 years? What if you have kids and are still at the pub all day, living for the moment, enjoying life and not caring about what tomorrow brings.

So I always try to plan for tomorrow, I think about 10 yrs time, 50yrs, 60yrs, and also tomorrow, the next day and next week. I plan way too much in some peoples eyes, and this has sometimes stops me from enjoying today. Plans can change, but if you don't have one, then nothing changes, and 'living for today' can so easily become 'doing nothing'.

So, 'plan for tomorrow, live for today' is where I found myself. For me this means that I party hard, but don't let the partying, or 'living', get in the way of my life, or 'plans'. e.g. I will drink til the cows come home, but I will always make sure I get up for work the next day and know what it is I have to do before I sit at my desk. Plan your life, and live it! Plan nothing, and go nowhere!

Some People Are F***ing Blind!

As I prepare to leave London town, post carnival, I walk to my car and notice that I have yet again got another ticket from the bastards at Camden Town ticketing office. This time I was more surprised as I specifically walked to the car last night to put money on it, as you can see!

Parking ticket with paid-for ticket below it!

I am absolutely MAD! this is the 5th time I have received a ticket on this road, and yes in the past it has sometimes been my own fault, like when I was parked in the right spot, had money on the car, but had also accidentally parked about 4cm over the bus-stop marking, this led to a £160 fine!!!

This time I planned to make my attack direct to the council. Should we start to tax parking officers who waste our time because they can't see, or are just plain stupid? Anyway, I calmed down and started the drive back to my place, 4 hours later I have just arrived home and started putting this into the blog. At the same time I have called the ticket office and explained my disappointment at their inability to dish out a well deserved ticket. I told them that I know for a fact that they took a picture, because this is policy now, and that if they looked at it they will clearly be able to see that I have bought my ticket!!

I don't believe it. She has just got back to me after 10 mins on hold! Apparently the ticket I paid £6 for was completely useless because I was parked in a residents permit holder only area!!!!!!!

As I was saying, some people are f***ing blind, namely me!!

Change Lanes And Get There Faster!

Yesterday I was driving to London and remembered that I had solved the worlds motorway congestion problems! Well at least found a way to reduce travelling time in heavy stop start congestion.

I drive about 50,000 miles a year, resulting in endless traffic jams on motorways and general frustration from crap drivers. All the experts say that when in a traffic jam the best option is to stay in your lane, and you get there quicker. And it is true to say that in the past I have ignored this advice only to end up 27 cars behind where I originally started. There is a better way though and it comes down to timing and knowing that most drivers are crap and slow to react.

Rules are these, in normal traffic the fast lane is generally best, it's the fastest and is furthest away from the slip road. But in heavy congestion, the kind where all 3 lanes of the motorway will be stopping and starting, the middle lane is fastest, every time, fact!

People do realise this but by the time they make their move it is far too late. However generally if you can see epic traffic ahead, move to middle, less cars and moves more freely.

Ok but don't be slow to react, you MUST look ahead, if you see the traffic opening up again get to the fast lane immediately, else you'll be stuck in middle until everyone has gone past you and you might as well never bothered anyway.

Feel-Good Films Make Me Depressed

Is it only me or do feel-good films make you feel depressed?

I watched Street Dance today, crap film, really badly acted and a crap weak script, but I bloody loved it. Street dance films are always feel-good, same old story of kids from the streets, making it work through dance, which is always good to watch. Plus my ex was a street dancer so I have a kind of personal interest in the area.

Anyway when I do watch films, which is very very rare, I tend to compare them to my own life. So even though I enjoyed Street Dance, I thought, 'why can't I be a street dancer and win a UK show' which is such a ludicrous idea, so ludicrous in fact that I am laughing to myself as I write this.

At least when I watch a depressing film I can sit back and relax in the knowledge that I haven't been made into a human centipede!!!!! Which by the way is a rank film!