X Marks The Spot

Last Sunday I watched X Factor for the 1st time this season. I literally couldn't believe my eyes.

It was after a very heavy Saturday that had left me still standing at 6am. As the Sunday came round I was invited to join some friends that evening for an X Factor session. I said yes as I was up-country and had nothing better to do, plus it was my friends birthday so I thought it would be fun to spend some time with him. I spent an hour watching the show, not really knowing who was who because I hadn't seen it before.

I was presented with a 'results of a viewer-voting show' where every contestant, and I mean EVERY contestant was made to cry! mainly because the judges decided to eek out the wait for the contestants results, I think they got confused which show they were on, as they seemed to loose all control of human speech, like Chris Tarrant on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionairre'. manufacturing huge spaces of silence between words to try and induce terror, fear and suspense in the eyes of the contestants. I looked around the room and throats were full of lumps, my friends holding back the tears and laughter as they waited patiently for the judges final word.

For me it was pointless, I had no idea who any of them were, and this brings me to my point. I saw non of the contestants sing or perform whatsoever! NON OF THEM! I saw all of them cry, and I saw the judges cry, but not one ounce of performance. This meant I was completely unable to form any sort of opinion on the judges' decision. So I was left to judge them myself based completely on their looks and crying ability!

How can this be entertainment? I understand if you are an avid watcher, but surely it can't be that hard to make a show that also caters for the occasional viewer? A show where you can dip in and out  throughout the season and not worry too much about what you have missed. A few seconds from each singer would have been ideal. BUT NO, to watch X Factor these days you have to be part of the family, a disciple of the show who can't go to work on Monday morning without their X hit! Simon Cowell, you've lost me, I can't be part of this anymore, I want freedom over what I watch, and it doesn't include Louis Walsh wearing crap Raybans with a speech impediment!

Life Begins At 30 But Adulthood Begins At 31

A week before my 30th birthday I was bricking it! I felt that my life was over, that my youth had somehow surpassed before I was even ready to think about it, let alone start settling down and partying less. This didn't last though, the day of my 30th I woke up feeling amazing. I had had an epiphany. I was still the same man but felt like I was at the beginning of a new era. Like I had proved myself at life, that I had practiced being me throughout my 20s and now the practice was over I was ready to truly live life to the max. Lots of my friends have said they felt similar when they were 30. Its an awesome feeling if you get it, and is so true to what the big 30 is to us. Mainly nothing.

However amongst all this hype I have unfortunately discovered that the grass isn't always as green as we hoped. This new thing in my life, and darker side of this subject, is called being 31! I am now 31 and have realised that I have fallen from the dizzy heights of 'just 30' to the slightly less glamorous 'early 30s'. I actually feel the same, like I have a whole lot of life left in me and am not ready for nature to take it away yet. Like I want to party all weekend and roll into my flat at 2pm on a Sunday. The problem is that I can't help but notice that things have changed. Physically! My toenails are thicker! I know, gross! my nostril hairs are growing at an exponential rate, I have to work harder at the gym, when I drink I look old in the face and I'm going deaf in my right ear! But most of all, throughout all this is the fact that because I have now lived for 3 decades, the years that go by are now so regular, and so quick, and keep coming without relenting or even pausing to think about it. All of this shouts out to me. 40 Is Nigh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its scary but this is adulthood to me, not a change in the way I feel, or who I am inside, or how I run my life, but simply that my body is ageing, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except realise that I might be running out of time to do the things I want and should maybe start doing them.

And there we have it, a seamless and un-noticed side-step into settling down! I must be mindful of my thoughts!

Plan For Tomorrow, Live For Today!

Anyway, this is really where I wanted to start this blog, but I got over excited about writing my first that I had to put down in pixels what had happened to me over the Notting Hill weekend.

Plan For Tomorrow, Live For Today is not the theme of this blog, but generally a theme that I try to live my life by.

My Bro died just over a year ago and after his death, which was way to early in his life, I tried to take something positive from the experience. Not easy considering the grief that the whole family and I where going through. My Bro always lived for the moment, not to say he took advantage of every opportunity that came his way, because he didn't. He lived a simple life that evolved around his family and friends. A life that I was often quite envious of and one that didn't lead him far in terms of miles, but led him epic distances in terms of respect from his peers and the amount of love that his friends and family had for him.

Living for the moment as my Bro did was a tough challenge, he didn't plan much, just took life as it was presented to him. Although he was a happy man, this way of life meant that he stayed still a lot and was very cautious. I believe living for today probably contributed to his early death.

So, how to get round this? I thought. Can I take the good things about his way of life and mix them with the good things about my way of life. I remembered a saying that I hear a lot, normally after someone close has died, or people go through a scare. Its 'Live For Today'. I just don't think it works. I see people in the pub getting pissed every day, saying that they live their life as if they would die tomorrow.

Problem with this is, what if you don't? What if you live for another 50 years? What if you have kids and are still at the pub all day, living for the moment, enjoying life and not caring about what tomorrow brings.

So I always try to plan for tomorrow, I think about 10 yrs time, 50yrs, 60yrs, and also tomorrow, the next day and next week. I plan way too much in some peoples eyes, and this has sometimes stops me from enjoying today. Plans can change, but if you don't have one, then nothing changes, and 'living for today' can so easily become 'doing nothing'.

So, 'plan for tomorrow, live for today' is where I found myself. For me this means that I party hard, but don't let the partying, or 'living', get in the way of my life, or 'plans'. e.g. I will drink til the cows come home, but I will always make sure I get up for work the next day and know what it is I have to do before I sit at my desk. Plan your life, and live it! Plan nothing, and go nowhere!