Middle is no Kingdom

Thank you 'Man Matters' - 'Times of Malta'

X Marks The Spot

Last Sunday I watched X Factor for the 1st time this season. I literally couldn't believe my eyes.

It was after a very heavy Saturday that had left me still standing at 6am. As the Sunday came round I was invited to join some friends that evening for an X Factor session. I said yes as I was up-country and had nothing better to do, plus it was my friends birthday so I thought it would be fun to spend some time with him. I spent an hour watching the show, not really knowing who was who because I hadn't seen it before.

I was presented with a 'results of a viewer-voting show' where every contestant, and I mean EVERY contestant was made to cry! mainly because the judges decided to eek out the wait for the contestants results, I think they got confused which show they were on, as they seemed to loose all control of human speech, like Chris Tarrant on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionairre'. manufacturing huge spaces of silence between words to try and induce terror, fear and suspense in the eyes of the contestants. I looked around the room and throats were full of lumps, my friends holding back the tears and laughter as they waited patiently for the judges final word.

For me it was pointless, I had no idea who any of them were, and this brings me to my point. I saw non of the contestants sing or perform whatsoever! NON OF THEM! I saw all of them cry, and I saw the judges cry, but not one ounce of performance. This meant I was completely unable to form any sort of opinion on the judges' decision. So I was left to judge them myself based completely on their looks and crying ability!

How can this be entertainment? I understand if you are an avid watcher, but surely it can't be that hard to make a show that also caters for the occasional viewer? A show where you can dip in and out  throughout the season and not worry too much about what you have missed. A few seconds from each singer would have been ideal. BUT NO, to watch X Factor these days you have to be part of the family, a disciple of the show who can't go to work on Monday morning without their X hit! Simon Cowell, you've lost me, I can't be part of this anymore, I want freedom over what I watch, and it doesn't include Louis Walsh wearing crap Raybans with a speech impediment!

Life Begins At 30 But Adulthood Begins At 31

A week before my 30th birthday I was bricking it! I felt that my life was over, that my youth had somehow surpassed before I was even ready to think about it, let alone start settling down and partying less. This didn't last though, the day of my 30th I woke up feeling amazing. I had had an epiphany. I was still the same man but felt like I was at the beginning of a new era. Like I had proved myself at life, that I had practiced being me throughout my 20s and now the practice was over I was ready to truly live life to the max. Lots of my friends have said they felt similar when they were 30. Its an awesome feeling if you get it, and is so true to what the big 30 is to us. Mainly nothing.

However amongst all this hype I have unfortunately discovered that the grass isn't always as green as we hoped. This new thing in my life, and darker side of this subject, is called being 31! I am now 31 and have realised that I have fallen from the dizzy heights of 'just 30' to the slightly less glamorous 'early 30s'. I actually feel the same, like I have a whole lot of life left in me and am not ready for nature to take it away yet. Like I want to party all weekend and roll into my flat at 2pm on a Sunday. The problem is that I can't help but notice that things have changed. Physically! My toenails are thicker! I know, gross! my nostril hairs are growing at an exponential rate, I have to work harder at the gym, when I drink I look old in the face and I'm going deaf in my right ear! But most of all, throughout all this is the fact that because I have now lived for 3 decades, the years that go by are now so regular, and so quick, and keep coming without relenting or even pausing to think about it. All of this shouts out to me. 40 Is Nigh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its scary but this is adulthood to me, not a change in the way I feel, or who I am inside, or how I run my life, but simply that my body is ageing, and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it except realise that I might be running out of time to do the things I want and should maybe start doing them.

And there we have it, a seamless and un-noticed side-step into settling down! I must be mindful of my thoughts!

Some People Are F***ing Blind!

As I prepare to leave London town, post carnival, I walk to my car and notice that I have yet again got another ticket from the bastards at Camden Town ticketing office. This time I was more surprised as I specifically walked to the car last night to put money on it, as you can see!

Parking ticket with paid-for ticket below it!

I am absolutely MAD! this is the 5th time I have received a ticket on this road, and yes in the past it has sometimes been my own fault, like when I was parked in the right spot, had money on the car, but had also accidentally parked about 4cm over the bus-stop marking, this led to a £160 fine!!!

This time I planned to make my attack direct to the council. Should we start to tax parking officers who waste our time because they can't see, or are just plain stupid? Anyway, I calmed down and started the drive back to my place, 4 hours later I have just arrived home and started putting this into the blog. At the same time I have called the ticket office and explained my disappointment at their inability to dish out a well deserved ticket. I told them that I know for a fact that they took a picture, because this is policy now, and that if they looked at it they will clearly be able to see that I have bought my ticket!!

I don't believe it. She has just got back to me after 10 mins on hold! Apparently the ticket I paid £6 for was completely useless because I was parked in a residents permit holder only area!!!!!!!

As I was saying, some people are f***ing blind, namely me!!

Feel-Good Films Make Me Depressed

Is it only me or do feel-good films make you feel depressed?

I watched Street Dance today, crap film, really badly acted and a crap weak script, but I bloody loved it. Street dance films are always feel-good, same old story of kids from the streets, making it work through dance, which is always good to watch. Plus my ex was a street dancer so I have a kind of personal interest in the area.

Anyway when I do watch films, which is very very rare, I tend to compare them to my own life. So even though I enjoyed Street Dance, I thought, 'why can't I be a street dancer and win a UK show' which is such a ludicrous idea, so ludicrous in fact that I am laughing to myself as I write this.

At least when I watch a depressing film I can sit back and relax in the knowledge that I haven't been made into a human centipede!!!!! Which by the way is a rank film!