Cow Tipping - A Load Of Old Bullocks

I grew up on a farm in Devon, England. An area traditionally known for its agricultural heritage and beautiful countryside. At school many of my class-mates came from a similar background, but the larger percentage were from non-agricultural families, still the general knowledge on the subject of farming by many was far greater than that in a city environment. This was proved this when my best friend from a city I lived in previously came to visit me and explained that he didn't like the milk my mum served with cornflakes, (fresh from the cows udder), because he preferred the milk they had at his house, the type that was made in and came from a factory and not a living creature! Oh dear!

Its a common playground tale of boys and girls creeping out at night, slowly and silently creeping up to cows as they stand whilst sleeping. Not disturbing them before pushing hard and toppling them over, all in all a sport / pastime named cow-tipping! I am sure you have heard of it before, and if not then you surely know someone who has. I asked my folks and they had also heard this tale as children. In fact type it into google and you will see a whole range of text on the subject.

I believed every tale I heard about this, never to try, but often wondering if I should join in by running out to our own herd one evening and join the craze. It was only when I got older and re-thought this hilarious idea that I could see all the gaps in the story. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible to tip over a cow who is standing, but lets face it, cow-tipping is complete bollocks. Firstly, cows don't sleep standing up, FACT. why would they? Cows are like any other grass eating mammal and prefer to be warmer rather than colder, they sit, and sometimes roll onto their sides like horses to rest for the evening, but certainly don't stand up. I knew this but still as a kid couldn't see this massive hole in the theory. Secondly, have you ever tried to push a cow over? I can say for a fact that every kid at school who claimed to have taken part in this after school-hours activity was clearly lying. they lived in built-up areas and non of the farming children ever claimed such a thing. Funny that! I once tried to push a cow to one side as it stood in my way in a barn. With all my might I pushed this cow, it was an immovable object that simply just rocked slightly as my whole body leaned with all my strength against it. Cows are heavy and even if you did catch one off guard, it would soon know you were there and probably kick you in the face before legging it to the rest of the herd making a loud thud as its hooves damaged the soft ground. You could maybe try a calf, but they are skittish and even more likely to kick you, plus they are quick to move and have a great sense of balance.

So I give to you the breaking of a myth. Cow tipping as a popular pastime is surely nothing but a load of old bullocks!

Water! The Wonder Drug??

As we go through life we are constantly told, even from a school age, that drinking water is good for you. Apparently we don't drink enough, especially as I often hear that 8 pints a day is our recommended consumption! 8 pints a day is in my mind a horrendous amount and even if I tried I don't think I could manage without flooding my brain or some other discouraged side-effect that could harm my carefully balanced physique. I of course realise that this is a theoretical value, and would depend on size of body, weight, and what would probably be a long list of other factors like diet and general health. But still, 8 pints. As if!

I decided to experiment, I would try to meet my 8 pint daily recommended intake. This was to be difficult as I already drink a hell of a lot, alcohol mainly, with a lot of coca-cola mixed in, which I know is bad and to be honest don't even enjoy, but there's only so much apple or orange juice you can drink. That is without reaching an overzealous 18+ of your 5-a-day fruit and vegetables. I didn't want to curb the evening boozing, but by interspersing each drink with a glass of water I felt a clear way to managing this some-what silly intake of clear tasteless lubricant.

So as I begin my experiment all I could report was bloated-ness! a constant need to run to the toilet and generally a slight feeling of woozy! But to what I presumed was to no-avail, I pushed on. by day 3 I had got used to the water, especially the taste as I have to say water is the most boring drink known to man. By day 4 I was easily flying through the glasses. making the experiment not so much a success, but an easy challenge to place upon myself.


Then things started to get interesting, Day 5 and suddenly I wake up in the morning with a clear head, an empty pint glass by my bedside and a thirst for even more water prior to my ritualistic cup-of-tea. I was starting to feel a positive effect from the water. Day 6 and I start digesting my food more easily, the headaches, especially those caused by alcohol were becoming smaller and I was sleeping more easily and getting tired at a reasonable time of the night.


Could water be the wonder drug to many of our most commonplace light health problems? I am no doctor but I have to say that as I reached day 7 I was totally convinced that this was the way forward. I don't mind admitting that the ability to drink without a hangover was a clear push for me to continue this routine, but I could also think clearer, solve problems at work quicker, rest better, plus there were a whole range of other less obvious but positive side-effects the water brought with it. Can you solve a problem with a glass of water? No, but apparently with 8 you can!


I now live in Malta, where the days are hot and the nights aren't much cooler. Drinking water has become a must to survive here and I never go to bed without a bottle next to me. I have now turned to sparkling, something that previously disgusted me. It tends to quench the thirst quicker and have a faster lubricating effect on the body. That is after you get over the strange carbon-like taste that comes with it. Its a good job water is only 18c a bottle over here instead of the nearly 70p in the UK, else good health might also translate to empty bank accounts.

Leggings????? Are You Hitler?!

Women and they're crazy fashion styles. I love them all, well most of them! Whether it's skirts, dresses, jeans, hair up or down, whatever floats your boat as a lady, I can assure you that there are only a few small things that really turn me off. One is short hair, but I'll get back to that another time!

Leggings! a stretchy, tight form of trouser that women wear and often look great in. you can be pretty much any size to wear a legging, or of course a Jegging, (leggings that have a jean print on so they look like jeans, quit genius actually). However there are a few girls out there who seem to fail to possess a mirror. This is a major downfall for some, especially if its mixed with a passion to buy clothes that are basically the wrong size. I guess because of the stretchy quality one would assume that they can get away with it, at the same time feeling slightly better about yourself as this week you've dropped 2 sizes. But ladies listen up. You cannot! As a constant onlooker I have just a morsel of advice.

Firstly lets talk buying small. If you wear leggings that are too tight they will roll at the sides, like most clothes actually. This makes you look fatter than you actually are. the body with push out where it can, which tends to be in those sideways sections where the material is weaker than other areas, just below the waist for instance. They will also stretch so far that as you slowly walk away from my failed advances, not only can I see that you are wearing french knickers beneath your tight body wrap, but I also happen to have a detailed knowledge of the pattern that adorns your fancy underwear, the type of frill, the size and whether you have your label still attached or not. Girls! WE CAN SEE THROUGH THEM!!!!!! A look that will destroy even the finest of ladies' exit vogue.

In all honesty I have to question my motives for this blog, am I really asking girls to hide away their knickers? Not so much, so please if we ever meet don't feel that I am adverse to the possible sighting of what's beneath your outer most wear.  I love to see a sexy pair of knickers, but if every other bloke in the vicinity has also clapped his eyes all over your ass then what makes me special?! Unfortunately not much.

There is another rather poignant point to over-tight leggings that I feel is worth mentioning, one that really grinds my gears, or my eyes in this case! Have you ever seen a WW2 film and looked at the Nazis? Yes I'm going there! They have hugely low crotches in their trousers, a deliberate fashion choice by the Third Reich I'm sure, but surely not planned to be carried into the 21st Century. Some girls seem to love it, or at least try at every expense to copy it. Should your leggings be too tight and you pull them up with the force of a small elephant to get them on, the crotch will hang low, like a Nazi. Is this the look the youth of today are going for? No? then by a new pair of bloody leggings, not being made of much they surely only cost a few pennies.

This problem is also shared with the smaller percentage of girls who wear leggings too loose. Low crutch and baggy thighs is not what gets me going. Yes I can't see your underwear but I'm sure if I waited long enough I would have a full frontal after your legs undressed themselves with the pure force of gravity!

Fat-Tax: Genius or Communist?

As I sit in a quaint coffee shop in Belsize Park, London, I am reading a newspaper article that seems to be over 3 months old now, but I'm here and waiting patiently for my crumpet and eggs Benedict so I may as well have a gander.

In Denmark they are introducing a FAT TAX!!!! and I have to say, this could be the best idea since sliced bread (without butter), albeit a little communist!

So it seems to go like this: If a food product in Denmark is sold and its saturated or homogenised fat content is over that stipulated by this new law, the consumer has to pay an additional fat-tax to allow for the incessant growing cost of obesity that ensues their nation! I think we have the starting of a genius idea, but why tax the citizen, why tax us, when really its the manufacturers decision to make fatty foods, we as consumers just give-in to the fine tastes and aromatic smells that these less healthy foods use to draw our well earned money from our wallets.

Why not instead tax the manufacturer? If they are selling food with higher fat content then the government could place a tax on the producer that tracks their ratio of bad to good fat content in their products. Undoubtedly this would be passed onto the consumer and so the end result could possibly be the same, yet at least it would be invisible to us normal folk who occasionally indulge in a chocolate biscuit. Stopping us from being terrorised by our governments and chastised for wanting something tastier than rice bread. Which by the way I have discovered is very tasty, yet a little boring!!!

I say bring in Fat-Tax everywhere, let's beat obesity at the stem of its growth by placing tax on the production managers' ingredient decision making!!!! Or of course we could just educate our kids that sitting in front of the TV all day eating Chinese takeaways isn't going to give you a body like Cameron Diaz! or Daniel Craige for that matter. I don't know how many times I have seen documentaries on the subject where some over sized mother of 6 is doing a piece-to-camera explaining: 'Oh I really don't know what to do! My kids keep getting bigger an bigger and I try to make them play outside but they just don't listen'.... All this as the camera zooms out to show a 12 tonne lady sitting on a sofa that could have only been broken by the abuse her ass is giving it, handing out takeaway meals to all her children as they play the XBOX! Get of the sofa and lead by example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in NYC recently, and its the first time I've been to the US since I was 11 yrs old. An awesome experience. In New York there are nearly 19 million people! In a city the size of Bristol, England. Or smaller for that matter. New Yorkians consume the least amount of energy per-capita, that is to say per-person, compared to any other city in the USA. Hard to believe? well they don't have cars, they have small apartments, and because of the young population, business minded up-starts and up and coming actors, they don't tend eat much either, this is probably helped by the lack of cash the most part of the population have. In my opinion they are all in pretty good shape! That is until you see a copper! Boom, he arrives like Attila the Hun! Police in NYC are FAT, Fact! maybe they should have the fat tax! Maybe it should be a doctor prescribed tax until you loose the excess weight?

Who knows where this will lead, probably not past the borders of Denmark as they have a history of doing things 'their' way. But if it does leak into the UK as a concept, I will certainly be doing my part for society, and pointing out all the potential customers for the new regime!!!!!