Cow Tipping - A Load Of Old Bullocks

I grew up on a farm in Devon, England. An area traditionally known for its agricultural heritage and beautiful countryside. At school many of my class-mates came from a similar background, but the larger percentage were from non-agricultural families, still the general knowledge on the subject of farming by many was far greater than that in a city environment. This was proved this when my best friend from a city I lived in previously came to visit me and explained that he didn't like the milk my mum served with cornflakes, (fresh from the cows udder), because he preferred the milk they had at his house, the type that was made in and came from a factory and not a living creature! Oh dear!

Its a common playground tale of boys and girls creeping out at night, slowly and silently creeping up to cows as they stand whilst sleeping. Not disturbing them before pushing hard and toppling them over, all in all a sport / pastime named cow-tipping! I am sure you have heard of it before, and if not then you surely know someone who has. I asked my folks and they had also heard this tale as children. In fact type it into google and you will see a whole range of text on the subject.

I believed every tale I heard about this, never to try, but often wondering if I should join in by running out to our own herd one evening and join the craze. It was only when I got older and re-thought this hilarious idea that I could see all the gaps in the story. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible to tip over a cow who is standing, but lets face it, cow-tipping is complete bollocks. Firstly, cows don't sleep standing up, FACT. why would they? Cows are like any other grass eating mammal and prefer to be warmer rather than colder, they sit, and sometimes roll onto their sides like horses to rest for the evening, but certainly don't stand up. I knew this but still as a kid couldn't see this massive hole in the theory. Secondly, have you ever tried to push a cow over? I can say for a fact that every kid at school who claimed to have taken part in this after school-hours activity was clearly lying. they lived in built-up areas and non of the farming children ever claimed such a thing. Funny that! I once tried to push a cow to one side as it stood in my way in a barn. With all my might I pushed this cow, it was an immovable object that simply just rocked slightly as my whole body leaned with all my strength against it. Cows are heavy and even if you did catch one off guard, it would soon know you were there and probably kick you in the face before legging it to the rest of the herd making a loud thud as its hooves damaged the soft ground. You could maybe try a calf, but they are skittish and even more likely to kick you, plus they are quick to move and have a great sense of balance.

So I give to you the breaking of a myth. Cow tipping as a popular pastime is surely nothing but a load of old bullocks!

Water! The Wonder Drug??

As we go through life we are constantly told, even from a school age, that drinking water is good for you. Apparently we don't drink enough, especially as I often hear that 8 pints a day is our recommended consumption! 8 pints a day is in my mind a horrendous amount and even if I tried I don't think I could manage without flooding my brain or some other discouraged side-effect that could harm my carefully balanced physique. I of course realise that this is a theoretical value, and would depend on size of body, weight, and what would probably be a long list of other factors like diet and general health. But still, 8 pints. As if!

I decided to experiment, I would try to meet my 8 pint daily recommended intake. This was to be difficult as I already drink a hell of a lot, alcohol mainly, with a lot of coca-cola mixed in, which I know is bad and to be honest don't even enjoy, but there's only so much apple or orange juice you can drink. That is without reaching an overzealous 18+ of your 5-a-day fruit and vegetables. I didn't want to curb the evening boozing, but by interspersing each drink with a glass of water I felt a clear way to managing this some-what silly intake of clear tasteless lubricant.

So as I begin my experiment all I could report was bloated-ness! a constant need to run to the toilet and generally a slight feeling of woozy! But to what I presumed was to no-avail, I pushed on. by day 3 I had got used to the water, especially the taste as I have to say water is the most boring drink known to man. By day 4 I was easily flying through the glasses. making the experiment not so much a success, but an easy challenge to place upon myself.


Then things started to get interesting, Day 5 and suddenly I wake up in the morning with a clear head, an empty pint glass by my bedside and a thirst for even more water prior to my ritualistic cup-of-tea. I was starting to feel a positive effect from the water. Day 6 and I start digesting my food more easily, the headaches, especially those caused by alcohol were becoming smaller and I was sleeping more easily and getting tired at a reasonable time of the night.


Could water be the wonder drug to many of our most commonplace light health problems? I am no doctor but I have to say that as I reached day 7 I was totally convinced that this was the way forward. I don't mind admitting that the ability to drink without a hangover was a clear push for me to continue this routine, but I could also think clearer, solve problems at work quicker, rest better, plus there were a whole range of other less obvious but positive side-effects the water brought with it. Can you solve a problem with a glass of water? No, but apparently with 8 you can!


I now live in Malta, where the days are hot and the nights aren't much cooler. Drinking water has become a must to survive here and I never go to bed without a bottle next to me. I have now turned to sparkling, something that previously disgusted me. It tends to quench the thirst quicker and have a faster lubricating effect on the body. That is after you get over the strange carbon-like taste that comes with it. Its a good job water is only 18c a bottle over here instead of the nearly 70p in the UK, else good health might also translate to empty bank accounts.